Sipping Dangerously

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My surgical team told me to avoid straws after surgery. No straws. Straws bad. Straws cause you to swallow air, and air in a freshly rearranged stomach causes problems. This guidance was delivered with the same confident authority as everything else I received: no carbonation, chew thirty times, protein first, don’t drink with meals. A … Read more

Vampires and Vegetables

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This morning I had two appointments. One involved someone sticking a needle in my hand, and the other involved someone telling me to stop eating chips at my desk. Both were, technically, medical care. Part One: The Blood Draw I drove to Quest Diagnostics at what I can only describe as an uncivilized hour. I … Read more

Officially Sane

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I had a video call this week with a mental health counselor. She asked me about my medical history, my mental health history, my weight loss history, whether I was an emotional eater or a habitual eater, and what I prefer to eat and drink. I answered everything. She typed. At the end of the … Read more

Me and Food: It’s Complicated

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I have been drinking Diet Coke since approximately 1988. That’s not an exaggeration. I started in college, never really stopped, and at some point it just became the answer to the question “what do you want to drink?” I don’t drink coffee. I don’t drink tea. I don’t drink juice. For about 35 years, if … Read more

SADI-S: The Bariatric Surgery With a Name That Sounds Like a K-Pop Group

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Let’s talk about the SADI-S. Or, to use its full name, and I really hope you’ve packed a lunch, the Single Anastomosis Duodeno-Ileal Bypass with Sleeve Gastrectomy. It’s a mouthful, which is ironic, because the whole point of the surgery is to make your mouthfuls smaller. Bariatric surgery has a long, glorious tradition of acronyms … Read more

Checking Boxes and Counting Chews

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Well, I had my second appointment with my bariatric surgeon today. It clocked in at under ten minutes, which is impressive considering I had to drive there, park, fill out the same forms I filled out last time, and sit in the waiting room long enough to memorize the wall art. Here’s how the conversation … Read more